Sexuality Isn't Taboo In Therapy

I can talk about that in therapy??? 

The therapy room is a space where clients can bring everything, and I mean everything. And let’s be real – showing up to a space to talk about everything is daunting. Many of us have grown up with ideals and messages that have taught us that some topics are just “too private,” "taboo,” and even “inappropriate,” and therefore, off limits. 

When I think about the tension between the open space of therapy and taboo topics, especially the topic of sexuality, I call to mind the old adage of Alcoholics Anonymous: “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” Sex, sexual behaviors, and sexuality are not inherently sick, but keeping these human experiences secret can make us “sick”. We can become isolated, anxious, disconnected, and worried that we’re the “only one” to feel what we’re feeling and do what we’re doing. I want to extend a permission to you – you can talk about sexuality in therapy. In fact, I encourage you to do so! Here’s why and how! 

Sex tells a story 

When we keep our experiences of sexuality a secret, we’re apt to allow our internal narratives (the stories we tell ourselves) to become guilt-ridden and shame-filled, and this is when we often become “as sick as our secrets.” Licensed mental health counselor Jay Stringer (renowned for his work surrounding sexuality) makes two propositions: 1) “When we understand the sources of our sexual problems [i.e. what concerns and shames us], we can begin to outgrow them and pursue the lives we desire”, and 2) our experiences of sexuality offer “roadmaps” to greater self-knowledge and understanding. Whether it’s the sexuality we’re engaged in or the sexuality we’re daydreaming about, there’s a story being told – and as scary as it may be, your story is worth telling (in safe places with trusted people, like therapy!). 

Sharing your story can liberate you and others! 

One day, I was reading a blog post written by a dear friend of mine about sexuality. Her words reverberated through my being– she was daringly bold and brilliantly honest. The way that my friend shared her story helped drum up a deeply rich courage in me to share my story more vulnerably with my therapist, which led to greater personal freedom and self-understanding. Sharing our stories can offer a profound sense of connection and liberation, which we all desire and deserve. 

How??? 

Is the above question rattling through your brain right now? I get that. I’ve been in your shoes – feeling like the words just won’t come out, a slight trembling of anxiety sitting in your chest, a whispering voice in your mind saying, “don’t say that,” while you wonder how to even bring up the topic of sexuality. So here are a few options that might help you approach such a sensitive topic: 

1. A doorknob confession – A doorknob confession allows you to blurt out the thing you’ve (likely) been avoiding all session long, lets your therapist in on this information. A doorknob confession is a conversation starter that enables you to share something hard and ease into a scary topic. 

2. Letting your therapist know how hard a topic is for you – telling your therapist, “This is a really hard conversation for me,” and “I want to share this with you, but it’s a little scary” reverences your experience and clues your therapist in on how sensitive a topic really feels. You’re being brave, and your therapist can move forward with you, slowly and compassionately. 

3. Create some accountability – if your therapist allows, email them ahead of time or share with a friend your intention to share this information in your next session; maybe saying something like, “Hey, I’d like to talk about something kind of sensitive in my next session. Can you check in with me about this? This will really help me follow through.” Accountability is sometimes nerve-wracking, yet it can be paramount in helping us do hard things! 

All in all, whether you decide to share your story about sexuality in therapy or elsewhere, be assured that your story is worth knowing and sharing. Walking in real, honest, heartfelt sexual freedom is a gift that we all deserve and one that we can deeply receive as we share our experiences, casting out shame and fear. 

So, yes, you can talk about that in therapy.